I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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