walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Randomize
