We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize