they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
