don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
