yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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