Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
