I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
