You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
