What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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