i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
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I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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