im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
