I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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