Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
