can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
