do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
