they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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