Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
