at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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