I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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