Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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