We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
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Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler