Your mouth is God's brothel.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Panties = found
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
