All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize
