i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
