So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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