I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
