no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
