Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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