Yo dont text me then not text me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
