Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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