Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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