Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
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I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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