I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
