So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
