Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Green mimosas i think yes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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