I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
