ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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