I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
