They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
