Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
