I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So much Jack, so little girl.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
