too bad you live with your parents still
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
