I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
