Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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