cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just invented taco cereal.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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