Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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