so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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