please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
