ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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