Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk