But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
