I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize