Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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