Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
