Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
