i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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