What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
