I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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