Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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