And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
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I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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